Here is Mem Fox again, with more advice to help you enjoy picture books.

In our first chat with Mem Fox, she talked about her own childhood and gave us her top three (well, four) tips to enjoy reading together.

In this second chat, she dives a little deeper into the challenges for busy parents and carers. And she offers some advice about how to use screen-time well but not lose your child.

Thanks for talking to us today Mem.

In your experience, what are the challenges that stop parents and carers from reading to children as much as they could? Are there types of parents you are more worried about?

I am worried about all parents.

There are some parents who are so busy that they palm off the read-aloud experience to other people – kinder teachers, or a nanny, so it’s not coming from them. So at that top echelon of society, parents are too rushed, too exhausted to interact in this way, or maybe they are business people who cannot see the importance of it.

Of course there are also parents who have not had their own experience of being read to in their language.

It’s terribly important for every parent possible to find the six books that the child adores in the first five years of child’s life. But I am worried about people who won’t do that, because they don’t have that experience themselves and they don’t know how gorgeous it is.

That’s why it’s so important for educators and playgroup people to introduce books for kids when the parents are there. Of course, it has to be read in a lively way. A book like The Magic Hat really sets parents alight. I spoke at a conference once and afterward people just rushed to buy it – not even just borrow it – because they enjoyed having it read to them.

So do you think busy, tired parents should just let their children watch videos of other people reading the books aloud?

Videos are better than nothing. But they will never provide the two-way interaction with them that develops their language.

And the bonding won’t be there. That gorgeous way you get to know your children, that back and forth between you when you read together. Their emotional maturity is coming through there because of the books and their interactions with you.

I would never say throw away the screen – you can’t do that in 2024. But if you think the screen is going to mend everything, and you don’t need to do anything, that’s a mistake. The thing about the screen is there may be a sense of rejection in the child because they seem to be palmed off by the parent.

The screen is useful when you’re waiting for the doctor, on plane trips and car trips, when you’ve got to get a haircut. It’s a great babysitter, but to use it more than that – well, it’s a disaster. Especially if they are younger than two, especially before they can talk. Then later, the screen has become their closest ally in life and it is terrible to try to take it away.

In your book ‘Reading Magic’, you encourage parents to ‘act naturally’ when they read aloud. How do you suggest they find picture books they will naturally enjoy?

I don’t think a parent should read a book that they are bored by, unless the child has latched onto that book.

If they have, you have to grit your teeth and read it every night for 6 months. You have to, because the child has asked for it, and so they will remember it. They will know when the pages are turned, they will be familiar with the printed words, the over and over and over again is fantastically important.

You really need to ask around. Ask your friends, ask the kids’ teacher, ask a school librarian or assistant, ‘what are the kids really liking? Give me some suggestions’.

If you are not enjoying it, it’s the wrong book.

Don’t buy a book or read a book written by a famous person. Children’s authors will use rhyme, rhythm and repitition – people like Julia Donaldson, Lynley Dodds, Dr Seuss – they use the words that make magic in the child’s mind.

I spent time in drama school and learnt the finest language written in English by heart. That rhythm is in my heart. Now as an author, I can spend days choosing words that have the write number of syllables. Good authors spend a lot of time and care choosing the words. Classics are classics because they work, and that’s why we love them.

Sometimes parents may be enjoying the book, but they get a bit distracted if the child isn’t learning to read yet or seems to be getting the words wrong.

Should they be worried?

The role of a parent is never to teach. That is absolutely the wrong way to think of it. There is a massive amount of learning for the children, even while the parents aren’t trying to teach anything.

One of the reasons we read to children is so they learn to talk. That interaction of talking about the book, it means the kids are hearing lots of language. You can’t learn to read if you can’t talk. Our most important job is to learn how to talk, which you can only do if someone is talking to you.

Here’s a story from down the street – the child is three, and he latched onto Ducks Away. He wanted it over and over again. He knew it off by heart. Then one day he picked another random picture book off the shelf and read it as Ducks Away. He knew the whole thing. It was brilliant! His parents weren’t anxious at all when they saw this. They had read it to him over and over again, and talked and laughed with him, even though they themselves haven’t had a lot of education. They’re normal people and they just love their children and grandchildren, and have just delighted in reading to them.

Okay, so we should find a classic picture book, try to relax and laugh with it, talk with our children about the pictures and the story…but don’t worry about the spelling.

Is there anything else parents can try…or try to avoid?

Sometimes what well-meaning people do is change the hard words in books to simpler words, because they think the child won’t understand.

But that’s why the word is there. Over many readings, he or she will understand the words and perhaps even start using them even at the age of 4 or 5.

So please, don’t change the words in books, because the writers have spent many days,  weeks, or even years getting the words exactly right. If you skip them, or change them, you are stamping out that work.

Thank you so much Mem!

Look out for Mem’s new book ‘Meerkat Mayhem‘, coming out in November 2024.

For more of Mem’s tips for reading with children, check out Mem Fox’s website.